Mistress160's BDSM For Beginners: BDSM For Beginners (part 11: Strap-On Sex)

First published on Mistress160's Abode 10 August 2007
last updated Oct 2009

"What an awesomely (and comprehensively) written entry
on the selection and use of a strap-on"
Caitlain's Corner
on Ms160's Abode - Comments

"Strap-on sex can be personal or impersonal (or
anywhere in between) depending on the vibe
between the participants. It is what you make
of it ... they're different flavors, but both are
sexy in their own way"
roo roo, FetishLore

"There really is something to be said for the
feeling of being entered by your lover. In my
experience, it's just not possible to replicate"
may may, FetishLore

This post has proved one of the most popular on my blog.

Why, you ask me? That's an easy question to answer! We all dream of having a strap-on in our toy chest. Or two. Or three. And of it being used, the receiver bent over, ass spread, entered .... well, yes, anyway *Ms160 fans herself*...

Whether for gender play, prosthetic purposes or expressing kinky desires, a strap-on adds serious fun to sexual and D/s relationships. Here, then, is Ms160's Definitive Guide to Strap-On Sex, in response to the following questions from readers:

What exactly is a strap-on?
How do I select one?
What types of harness / dildos are there?
What about strap-ons for larger women?
What about strap-ons for men?
Novelty styles of strap-on
How do I actually use it?
The Ultimate Strap-On Reference Guide

WHAT EXACTLY IS A STRAP ON?

According to Wiki (which has a great entry on strap-ons) a strap-on is:

"a dildo designed to be worn (usually in a harness) by one partner and used to penetrate another partner vaginally, anally or orally, used by both heterosexual and homosexual couples.

"For a woman, a strap-on can be used to anally penetrate a man (pegging), for vaginal or anal lesbian intercourse, or for artificial fellatio.
"For a man, a strap-on can be worn for penetrative sex, and may be used in cases of erectile dysfunction, for double penetration, or to penetrate multiple partners. A wide variety of harnesses and dildos are available, with different ways of fitting the wearer, attaching the dildos, stimulating the wearer or the receiver, and all with different features, advantages, and drawbacks for both users".

HOW DO I SELECT ONE?

A quick glance at sex toy sites will totally confuse you ... there are so many different types of strap-ons are available ... how can you tell what's right for you? In narrowing down your choice there are a few things to take into consideration:

why you want a strap-on (for prosthetic purposes? for gender play? for domination and fantasy? etc)

what you want the strap-on to do (this will influence the quality and the type of attachments you want to buy. For example, if you are planning to use it every night you need something well made. If the wearer wants stimulation at the same time, you need to look for specific attachments)

your comfort (you want to get the best fit possible. This is very important. Apart from anything else, badly fitting strap-ons may cause damage, and will greatly affect both the wearer and receiver's enjoyment)

your play partner's comfort (if they have never encountered a cock up the whatsit before, they may panic if you approach them with something humongous waving around in front of you. The result will not be much fun. So keep their experience level in mind when select your dildo)

your budget (to do strap-on play properly isn't cheap, but you can make choices - say, about the material your harness is made of - that will make the cost less)

finally and most important: does it make you feel is sexy (you want to wear something that you feel suits you, that makes you feel confident and sexy)

Let's have a look at the types of strap-on available. Basically strap-on systems consist of three parts:

The dildo
The harness (which connects the dildo to the wearer's body)
The attachment device (which holds the dildo in place on the harness)

Unless you decide to purchase a kit (which I don't recommend) you are going to need to make some choices, so that you end up with a harness, a dildo and an attachment that actually FIT. Don't panic!

The ultimate chicken and egg question at this point is, what do you choose first? Should you choose a harness to go with a dildo, or a dildo to go with a harness? I recommend you go choose the harness first. Because this is the really vital part. Once you have a good harness you can pick as many dildos as your little heart desires. A poor harness, and you won't be doing much fucking!

There are lots of harness styles because everybody's body and tastes are different. Each style has different features - and drawbacks. Ideally the harness should be comfortable, and should hold the dildo firmly in a similar position to male genitals. Whether that actually happens depends on it's quality, it's shape - and the wearer's shape. Here are some issues you have to consider:

which style of harness you like

which style of harness suits your body type

which material you'd like your harness to be made of

whether you want "extras" (that provide stimulation for the wearer)

Let's look firstly at materials and then at harness construction.

STRAP ON HARNESS MATERIALS:

Harnesses come in a wide range of materials. While your choice may be made instinctively (if you have a fetish for latex or leather then that's probably what you will head for!), I'm going to provide you with some general comments about each material, and their pros and cons. This will help if you are having to make your choice influenced by budget / body shape or whatever. You will also find links to related photos / products.

Leather is probably the most popular material for harnesses - there is nothing more sexy than a black leather strap-on harness, lol. It's considered the most comfortable and durable style of harness, it only gets softer with age and fits the body's form well. The problem is that it's expensive and can be a pain to clean. Here you can see one of the really beautifully designed styles of leather harness by Sax Leather.

If you want a leather look, but prefer vegan products you are in luck, Aslan Leather stocks a great range of vegan "leather" and synthetic harnesses.

Synthetics are also popular in harness construction, being affordable and easier to clean than leather (nylon is machine washable in cold water). Problems: you can't put in the dryer, as the plastic parts may melt. Also the straps are similar to backpack straps and some people don't like the feeling against their skin.

J T's Stockroom has some nice nylon styles (at left). Eden Fantasys stock the inexpensive and very sexy nylon Brazilian harness and Bare as you dare. Stormy Leather's Terra Firma remains one of the most popular nylon harness on the market.

J T's Stockroom also stock a great vinyl harness (the Peek A Boo) terrific if you are interested in a transparent look. Good things about vinyl: its easy to clean, and looks great. Not so good: the harder material means some people may find them uncomfortable.

D.vice makes very nice vinyl harnesses, as do Stormy Leather. D.vice also make harnesses in neoprene, which is wet suit material. Check out their Beachcomber Harness (“stretchy and has … fantastic for those times you just want to pop your dildo in and hop in the shower or spa with your partner!” ).

The softest choice of harness are probably those made of fabric. These are sometimes incorporated into clothing such as lingerie or corsets. A while back the cheaper versions of these were definitely to be avoided, the thin fabric being impossible to support a dildo. But these days there are increasingly well made mid price range models, in a great variety of fashionable fabrics and styles.

On the plus side, they can easily be thrown into a washing machine to wash and sterilize, which makes this a really great option if you are going to be sharing your harness. On the negative side, you needed a thicker fabric, and also fabric straps are more liable to slip than leather.

Blowfish stock the Jacques Comfort Cloth Jock-Style Harness ("our testers said this was the most comfortable harness they've ever worn, high praise from our crew who've tried just about everything on the market"). D.vice enjoy coming up with interesting harness materials. They stock both a denim “jockey” harness, the Rangler Denim, and a harness utilising vinyl and fake fur: the Fervour.

Another popular fabric style today are "corset harnesses", laced at the back, which are very flattering to the female form, in all sorts of different fabrics. The one I've linked to not only has garter straps to hold up your stockings, but also contains a vibrating egg. I also like OutLaw Leather's Annie-O Harness (photo on left). You can how flattering that corset back is.

Latex and rubber harnesses are sometimes in a panty style that includes an attached dildo, as well as strap styles. Negatives: again the nature of the material may not support a heavy dildo, and you have to be careful of lubricants. Positives: they are waterproof, very easy to clean (with anti-bacterial soap and water) and very flexible. And of course they feel amazing against the skin.

Aslan Leather has several rubber harness designs made with heavy cored rubber sheeting, while J T's Stockroom has a lovely Rubber G String Harness.

STRAP ON CONSTRUCTION:

Harnesses fit into several construction types. Most are for the genital region. For these, a secure fit is essential. So when you go shopping make sure you know your waist and hip measurements.

First let's look at what's called the panty style of harness.

Eden Fantasys has a nice section where you can explore a selection of these. The title is fairly self explanatory. This style is popular for lower price range items in materials such as latex and fabric. Some styles have dildos attached, some also have wearer pleasure devices like vibrators.

Keep in mind it's best to look for one with a thinner dildo, as the thin fabric has difficulties supporting heavier models (which means you may have difficulties trying to control it - note how even in Eden Fantasys' great product photos, the dildos are often pointing downwards). Ms Christine experienced problems with this style:

"I found the one I had gave me very little sense of control. Unless I put my hand around it, which doesn't sound like what you want at all".

They can also be hot (Ms Christine again: "I didn't like the latex panty, as I'm not into feeling all hot and sweaty during exercise"). Cheaper styles may also not fit well, as Caitlain (of caitlainscorner) discovered:

"since the “panty” part of it is made of latex, it is supposed to accommodate a wide diversity of sizes. In practice, however, if your ass doesn’t fit the unit such that it is fairly tight on you, it will either be too tight or too loose. Either way, the experience of using it is not that great for either party"

If you really want something in this harness style, check out the interesting one Eden Fantasys recommend: Grrl shorts strap-on harness.

Harnesses utilizing a strap system are far more sturdy and secure. Two-strap harnesses (similar to a thong or g-string) have one (belt like) strap around the wearer's waist, the other between the wearer's legs, connecting to the other strap in the middle at the lower back. With lower quality versions of harder materials and a wide leg strap, these can be quite uncomfortable. Some people experience difficultly tightening them enough. And they may not support a heavy dildo.

Also be careful of examples at the cheaper range in this style that are “all in one”, by which I mean the harness is attached to the dildo. This makes cleaning really tricky. And the harness materials used (such as elasticized bandage) may also not support a heavy dildo.

However I quite like this style myself. If you purchase a good quality one the leather will probably be lovely and soft. A popular two strap design is Stormy Leather's best seller Terra Firma.

Three-strap harnesses have a similar strap around the wearer's waist, and two leg straps, one around each thigh, rejoining the first strap near the front. This style of harness is much sturdier, and also leaves the genital area available. We have a very old strap-on like this from Mr S. I agree, it does give greater control but I never found the thing comfortable and it often slipped. Here's a three strap harness from Sax, and Aslan Leather's Wonder Woman design.

Obviously you can have lots of variations on these basic designs. J Ts Stockroom have a great 4 Strap Harness, made with two straps in back that wrap around the buttocks, leaving the genitals and ass exposed.

For double penetration, try the Menage a Trois for Two harness, a g-string style harness that comes equipped with two inter changeable O-rings that will accomodate a dildo and a cock (J T's Stockroom's pic on the left) or two dildos of your choice.

This one looks like a lot of fun, but keep in mind Blowfish's useful comment that: "our male testers wanted a larger rubber O-ring for comfort's sake ... getting this harness on takes a bit of calculation and forethought; best try it with the lights ON first time around!"

How about non genital region harnesses?

I've had some fun with the thigh harness, which attaches a dildo to the wearer's thigh, allowing for (as Wiki points ) "many unique positions, as penetration is no longer limited to what could be done with a penis". I also like it because it also leaves the wearer's genitals available. You can see one about to be used in the photo at the top of this post.

I really like D.vice's Garter (Thigh Harness), which can also be used on the chest or stomach. Another product that looks interesting is J T's Stockroom's chest harness called "How May I serve you?"! (photo on right from Blowfish)

Another personal favourite is the shoe harness made by InHerTube. Just thinking about this harness makes me wet. I also like dildo gags. To be honest, you can attach a dildo via a harness to just about any household object, allowing for many creative uses. It's not technically a harness, but I also love the idea of the inflatable rubber ball you can buy, with a dildo attachment (Eden Fantasys have a good example). The thought of the resulting play really makes me laugh.

D RINGS OR BUCKLES:

When selecting a harness, you might also like to keep in mind what kind of side fastenings you prefer. Blowfish's testers have observed:

"Metal buckles make the harness stay in place a bit better without jiggling loose; plastic tension buckles or D-ring fasteners will adjust to a greater and more precise variety of sizes. Elastic hip straps generally have a smaller range of size variation in any specific size, but the lack of buckles makes for a smoother, and for many people, more comfortable fit".

While some people find (and I agree) that "a harness that buckles won't loosen on you at inconvenient time ... like your favorite belt, your harness will go on right every time once you figure out which hole is yours", my friend may may suggests sticking with D-ring models, which his lady found to be:

" better able to adjust to your body's motions. The buckle models are simply strapped in place and don't budge, and this can sometimes mean that they get too tight in some areas, causing discomfort of one kind or another dependent upon the material of the straps. Also, the buckles themselves are bulkier. The D-ring models are simply "more comfortable" in every position"

Harness designers continue to work on getting the best fit possible. For example, D.vice's harnesses are designed with “slide adjusting clips” to “ensure a strong secure fit”. Sounds good to me.

POSITIONING AND PADDING:

Finding your preferred strap-on position might take a little time. If you have a preference for how high or low to wear a harness make sure you get one with an adjustable crotch strap as well, such as Eden Fantasys' Heart harness and silicone dong set and Butt & dildo harness. If you prefer low, check out Outlaw Leather's harnesses. They are uniquely designed to sit low on the hips and pubic bone so the hole in front almost frames your clit. D.vice also designed their Hipster Harness to sit low on the hips.

Some harnesses such as the Terra Firma have a pad on the back that adds to comfort and prevents pubic hair becoming caught between the dildo and the harness. Others don't, to allow wearers to enjoy the stimulation of feeling the base of the dildo against their body. Again, the choice is up to you.

Okay, so you've got some ideas what harnesses might appeal, now let's talk about...

HOW TO CHOOSE A DILDO:

To read more about dildos, visit Sax Leather (who have a terrifically informative text on their dildo page ... they also have so very nice dildos), Blowfish's Guide to Buying Dildos and Eden Fantasys' Choosing a Dildo. Here's a little info:

An enormous variety of dildos are available. Lots of different materials, including silicone, acrylic, rubber, metal, stone, jelly, even leather (look at these lovely ones!) and glass. I rather like Blowfish's Penis Ice Mold myself (pix on right). I'm tempted to make a chocolate one.

The latest trend is for "feel real materials" like cyberskin and UR3. Bad Dragon (who specialize "in the manufacture and sale of custom-made adult fantasy toys and other adult products") even allow you to select the firmness of your toy when you order it.

You need to keep in mind your choice may be limited by the type of harness you plan to use. You want your dildo shaft to be same size or a little smaller than the harness opening (and the base should be wider than that, so it doesn't pull right out of the ring or hole). On the other hand, if the dildo is too small, it will slip. If working out this stuff is a right pain in the ass (*joke*), you might like to consider a Vac-u-lock system. I'll tell you more about this in a sec.

Some basic types of dildo are:

standard (non-tapered or slightly tapered shaft, and often has an enlarged head, similar to a penis),
anal probe (highly tapered, with a bulb in the middle which tapers down again towards the harness before flaring wider. These dildos are often advertised as being for beginners),
g-spot / prostate (with a sharp upwards curve at the head, or gradual along its length, causing strong pressure against the g-spot in women or the prostate in men),
dildos with bulbs, ripples, ribs, or clitoral stimulating features, electrodes, etc (to increase receiver's stimulation);
double penetration (usually two dildos molded onto a common base, designed for simultaneous vaginal and anal penetration),
double ended, and
inflatables, enema nozzles, etc (these ejaculate whatever liquid substance is inserted).

Within the boundaries of the requirements of your harness, your choice is limitless. You can choose realistic or non realistic. Or an enormous dong. Or one that is the physical opposite to the kind of penis your husband / partner possesses.

In fact why stick with phallic? These days you can select a dildo that isn't even phallic shaped (anyone for tentacle sex, lol?!). For something seriously perverted, I adore the Bad Dragon range. There are all sorts of weird and wonderful, size queen styles of toys on their website. They are not made specifically for strap on harnesses, but some styles do fit in D.vice and Sax Leather harnesses.

Some Bad Dragon toys even have a cum tube. For couples who get off on the idea of the female partner coming inside the man - and a lot of guys fantasize about this - this feature can be a real turn on.

Why only use one dildo? You can have two dildos at once, one in you and one in your partner. Or two in you. Or use a dildo that has additional features for stimulation for both receiver and wearer ....

One thing you might like to keep in mind, re your dildo selection: having a range of different sized dildos is the sign of an experienced strap-on player.

We are basically all size queens and have a tendency to head for the flashy big dildos to give ourselves flashy big cocks LOL but if your partner is new to strap on play it's wise to start small. Check out prober styles (there is a link above - you can read about sol and myself using one of these here) and smaller dildos like this sexy black one from Sax.

HOW DOES THE DILDO STAY ATTACHED TO THE HARNESS?

Again, in several different ways, each with their own pros and cons.

In latex versions of the panty style of harness, usually harness and dildo are made of a single piece of molded latex. We've talked about how these may not be especially secure. Nor are the very cheap strap-ons that have straps or attachments for straps directly molded into the material of the dildo.

The most common way of supporting a dildo in a harness is via an opening or ring in the harness through which a wide-based dildo is inserted. Inexpensive versions usually have just have a round hole in the fabric or leather, while more expensive ones will use a steel or rubber ring. The good things about this type of attachment is that you can buy a wide range of dildos to fit (dildos with balls are especially good). Not so good is that cheap versions may not hold the dildo securely.

Another harness system that's quite popular is Vac-u-lock. I'm not surprised it's popular, because it's well designed and provides a very secure connection between dildo and harness. Vac-u-lock dildos have a hole in the base that fits onto a matching plug on the harness or beach ball, or whatever. What's good: that dildo really won't move! And it rarely flops downwards or slips, like ring harnesses. What's not so good: it's expensive and can be hard to obtain. However, that's what online toy stores are for: look for Doc Johnson's Vac-u-lock range (Eden Fantasys has them).

If you prefer to put together something more to your personal taste, check out some of the Vac-u-lock compatible harnesses with attachments now made by several other companies - I personally enjoy using this Deluxe Strapon + Vac-u-Lok here - but you'll still need to buy a Doc Johnson Vac-u-lock dildo. Eden Fantasys have a good online range.

WHAT ABOUT STRAPONS THAT PROVIDE PLEASURE TO THE WEARER?

Some harnesses feature ribbing, bumps, etc to apply pressure against the genitals, particularly the clitoris. They often are not particularly successful, as Caitlain observed:

"some of these models claim to have little devices or designs that allow for stimulation of the woman’s clit while she’s driving (using it on her partner). As a general rule, with all of the movement of the harness on the wearer, these don’t work very well, and I recommend that you not use this in your consideration of which one to buy".

Much more successful are vibrating toys - such as eggs, "clit blaster", vibrating gel pads or whiskers, or other devices mounted on the inside of the strap-on - that provide external stimulation. Double-ended attachments like the Feeldoe are also gaining in popularity.

Another source of fun are small internal plugs located on the inside of some harnesses, to penetrate the wearer and provide stimulation when they thrust with the main dildo. And of course you can also now purchase harnesses that feature dildos or anal plugs for the wearer. If you are looking for a harness that will accommodate both strap-on sex partners with an internal and an external dildo, check out Aslan Leather's leather Double Up Harness (also available in rubber) or their Double Up Dildo Cuff which can be attached to their Jaguar Harness.

WHAT DO YOU USE, MS160?

Like a lot of people who enjoy strap-on play we own several strap-on systems. We have a range of dildos, from the thin narrow styles I enjoy anally myself to the enormous beasties sol likes to dream he'll eventually be able to fit! Like the Bad Dragon range, oh and this, LOL:

In terms of harnesses, what I choose to wear depends on what I'm planning to do. If we are traveling, or if I'm planning less energetic sex, then I usually prefer the lighter, more comfortable g-string style harness (with a light, narrow dildo). If I'm planning more energetic anal play I prefer a sturdier harness, which provides me with greater thrusting control. We have an old three strap harness from Mr S. I always found the leather too unwieldy but over the years it has softened down nicely.

I also like the Vac U Lok system - you can change your dildo and increase it's size without getting out of the harness, for one thing - and my current favorite is the one I mentioned before, Sax Leather's Deluxe Strapon + Vac-u-Lok.

I've got several strap-ons on my wishlists. I'd like to try out Blowfish's Jacques Comfort Cloth Jock-Style Harness (left) because of it's apparent comfort, and J Ts Stockroom's Corsette Harness, because I like it's practicalness - a stunning machine washable corset / lingerie style strap-on with a vibrator AND garters to hold up my stockings! I also love the design elements (as well as the construction of) Outlaw Leather's Annie-O Harness. I'd also like to try it because of how low it sits, on the hips and pubic bone. It would be interesting to experience the clit stimulation that would result.

ANY ADVICE FOR LARGER WOMEN WANTING TO USE A STRAPON?

Absolutely. Strap-ons can be bloody uncomfortable for larger women. Also many styles are not made in BBW sizes.

For a fabric style, J Ts Stockroom's Corsette Harness fits up to a 48” waist, and 60” hips, with a "very flattering corset back, esp for curvey ladies". If you'd prefer a rubber harness, Aslan Leather has their Rubber G design (right) for women "endowed with more curvaceous figures. The two piece back fits over the hips and frames the buttocks for the perfect strap on sex picture". It also comes in leather.

Crown Harness is an example of a mid range leather (front pad) and nylon (straps) harness for larger women, holding the dildo higher up on the belly for easier access. The O-rings snap out for adjustibility, the waist strap fits up to 64" and the thigh straps to 28". The link I gave provides several reviews from larger sized buyers (such as "fits well and comfortably. I can decide to wear it higher or lower, depending on my needs").

Full leather harnesses are usually very adjustable. Eden Fantasys advertise they have styles measuring up to 68" (their Lover's super strap harness and silicone probe adjusts up to 64").

If you prefer the Vac-u-lok system, try Sax Leather's Deluxe Strapon + Vac-u-Lok. Their XL size is extremely generous (you'll need to buy a Doc Johnson Vac-u-lock dildo for it). I'm usually an XL and I had to come down a size!

Also, have a look at Sub Hugi Enterprise's online catalogue. Their flagship product is a custom made and extremely well priced leather BBW strap-on harness of their own design (thank you Scarlett Leopard for pointing out to me!) They have some great testimonials on their site. Here is part of one from Blonde Goddess BBW from Albuquerque, New Mexico:

"After years and years of being dissatisfied with the strap-on harnesses that come with the dildos, and being disappointed that no one had addressed the large market of Big Beautiful Dominant Women, I can finally assure you that Sub Hugi has! As a 16+ year BBW Lady of Power, I've been looking for a substantial harness that allows for comfort, penetration, and even support when indulging in one of my favorite fetish activities.

"This harness has the flexibility of changing the size of the "tool", where the leg straps attach, and, weight change. If you are tired of the flimsy, elastic strap wannabe harnesses that necessitate not being able to use BOTH hands to grab that willing recipient, BELIEVE ME, you will LOVE this harness!"

Definitely worth reading the rest of that quote on their site :)

WHAT ABOUT STRAPONS FOR MEN?

This is important, because quite a few male readers asked me about this, and there is nothing on the internet.

While most dildo harnesses are designed for women, there are lots of cases where a dildo harness for a man can be useful as well: for double penetration, to continue after you've cum, to extend your own equipment, as a safe sex alternative, or simply because yourfiendish Mistress has locked your own equipment away...

Tom Allen explored this on FetishLore:

"interestingly, the first thing that comes to mind when thinking of this topic is a woman taking her man with the dildo. However, in my case, we use the strap-on because my wife gets aroused at the thought of denying me an orgasm, but prefers to have PIV sex.

"We've tried several dildos, and at some point last year bought a "boitoi" [photo above] from Blowfish.com. It's made from the same mold as the "Bent Realistic", but it's been cast with a firm core and a more squishy outside, making it very lifelike. The fact that it is very, very similar to my own shape and size makes it even hotter for her; she loves to feel the CB3k cage bumping against her ass while I'm wearing the harness"

Okay, so what's available?

There are a handful of strap-ons that can be used by both sexes. Men tend to prefer the two strap harness that goes around their legs as the g-string style harness can be uncomfortable on the testicles (unless they happen to like the sensation of the harness rubbing on their testicles). Because of this, Blowfish "generally recommend the Supple Leather Two-Strap Harness for men who want a harness because it's the most adjustable harness we have. Just slip it on above your own package and go to town!".

Tom Allen writes of the comfort of Stormy Leather's Terra Firma's leather, D-ring version (as opposed to buckle one) (pic on left):

"terra firma ... the Earth may move, but your dildo won't ... who could resist a motto like that? It has 2 straps running underneath, so - in my case - the straps could fit on either side of the CB3k, making things more comfortable. It has a leather pad that you can remove, and you can replace the large rubber O ring.

"The D-rings allow you to snug it up, should you find things moving around after 20 minutes of play. And the leather straps are thin and soft; I never have any problems with irritation. You can buy an add-on that fits around the straps between your legs which allows you to hold in a second dildo or plug"

If you want something in the Vac-u-lock line, Eden Fantasys stocks the Vac-u-lock male set., which comes with an anal probe on the interior, a penis shaped dildo for the exterior and also has a second opening so that the penis can be used for double penetrations.

Most of the other products in Eden Fantasy's Harnesses for Men section are non genital harnesses, including wrist harnesses which I'd not seen before! They also stock hollow extenders, for men (or their owners) who like to lengthen their equipment. These can be used with erections, either in a hollow dong or below the strap-on, allowing for double the penetration. As does the Menage a Trois for Two harness I mentioned above.

Stockroom's leather and chrome Jock Harness has two adjustable crotch straps, giving it added stability and gives the wearer the option of dildo sizes with an interchangeable Cock Ring system. Since there is no leather backing, it works especially well with double dildos.

For dominants like myself who are interested in enforced chastity, the most perfect item you could buy is the Aslan Leather's Men's Dildo Harness (pic on right). It's seriously sexy, all black leather with shiny silver rivets, buckles, and O-rings. And brilliantly designed for the male slave whose Domme doesn't want him to get the enjoyment of using his penis, but wants to enjoy a strap-on dildo. A codpiece-like cup houses the family jewels while a dildo of your choice does all the work.

Blowfish noted that:

"The cut-out hole for the dildo holds toys up to 1-3/4 inches in diameter, but anything wider than that will not fit through (there is no adjustable 0-ring on this harness). Likewise, a skinny dildo will flop around in a hole of this size, so the most compatible dongs are between 1-1/4" to 1-3/4" wide. Make sure the dildo you choose to pair with the Men's Harness has a flat, flanged base at least 2" across so it will not slip all the way though and onto the floor ...
"Also, it took a few tries for some of our guys to get used to thrusting with their upper abdomen instead of their lower hips (and they are professionals!). Be prepared to need some practice when adjusting to your new cock"

If the subject of enforced chastity is of interest to you, have a look at some of the Stockroom's other male harnesses.

NOVELTY STYLES OF HARNESS:

These can raise a smile when you are searching online for a strap-on, but hey, strap-on sex is all about fantasy ... what's your secret desire?

Want a sparkling harness? Check out J T Stockroom's sparkling vinyl harnesses (pix above in materials section) in various colours. Or a glow in the dark one (okay, its seriously tacky and probably won't work well, but its good for a laugh) or a transparent harness and dildo set? Want to be a strap-on nurse? Try the Nurse Cross Strap-On on Kookie Intl's online store.

How about a strap-on gunslinger? Outlaw Leather are big on fantasy. Check out their beautifully crafted Cash Leather Harness , which comes complete with:

"black on black leather, black rivets, and black snaps. The dummy bullets attached to the back-band would fit a .45 caliber just as snugly as they do your waist.

"The Cash comes with both a metal and black rubber O-ring. The rings are interchangeable, so feel free to snap in other rings from 1¼" to 2" in diameter. It can handle a single, manufactured double, or two single dildos"

Their Annie-O Harness is the "answer to all those requests for a feminine harness with a touch of authority .. The Sheriff Star on the front lets them know who's in charge". It's made from high quality ruddy brown leather and backed in soft suede for a "looks tough but feels gentle" effect". You can even purchase a very pretty vinyl holster (to hold your gun vibrator or dildo) at Aslan Leather.

How about being a rock star? Blowfish also stock Outlaw Leather's RockStar Harness (their photo on the right) for "all you bad-ass, punk-loving, tattooed and pierced rockers out there who want to fuck with attitude". It's made of shiny red patent leather with soft black leather bands over the hips. Detailed with pyramid studs around the hips and seemingly held together in the back with real safety-pins (in reality, the faux lace-up back is reinforced with black suede).

Blowfish notes re these styles that "the suede does lint a little bit when worn for the first few times, but once you break it in (not a terrible process, I swear), the leather becomes quite smooth and molds to your body"

Personally my favorites are harnesses by InHerTube from 100% recycled rubber. Katrina Humbert writes:

"I have always liked the smell and feel of innertube. As a child I went to my dad's shop and played in the tire room which was off-limits. I always ended up filthy and eventually I would be caught and spanked because it was dangerous. The smell and feel of the tires as I played (and became smudged with black rubber and grease) always outweighed any punishment my parents could dish out. Now I'm grown up and I can play with tires all I want, but the pleasure of being naughty has diminished. This is why I decided to design dildo harnesses and fetish apparel as a way of satisfying my inner naughty girl. I hope to share this experience with you. Try it - and let someone catch you!
"The harnesses are made of truck, car, and heavy equipment innertube. The innertubes are cleaned, cut, glued, punched and riveted together. They are flexible and feel great against your (and your partner's) skin. The fasteners are velcro for easy on and off, and the harnesses can be cleaned in soap and water. All of our harnesses are custom made for any body type, big or small.."

I adore the look of these - look at this amazing shoe harness:

And the same harness now on a court shoe:

Talk about brilliant! AND you'll be doing the planet a favor by using recycled rubber!

SO WHERE CAN YOU BUY ONE?

Here are links to a few of the ones I've mentioned in this post:

D.vice - local Oz company who make excellent dildos and harnesses

Sax Leather - for sexy black leather harnesses, including the terrific new Deluxe Strapon + Vac-u-Lok harness that sol and I have a lot of fun with

Aslan Leather - for leather harnesses, matching dildos and vegan harnesses
Sugarplums - stocks all Outlaw Leather harnesses
Eden Fantasys - for a great dildo range, including Doc Johnson's Vac u lok dildos
Smitten Kitten - stock dildos by VixSkin and harnesses by Aslan Leather
J T's Stockroom - for Men's Dildo Harness, lots of great harnesses in different materials
Blowfish - for some of Outlaw Leather's range (they call the Annie-O the Cowboi Harness), the Men's Harness, dildos and lots of good advice and reviews
Stormy Leather - for their best selling two strap nylon / leather Terra Firma
Bad Dragon - seriously perverted toys, many with interesting extra features such as cum tubes

OK I'VE BOUGHT IT ... NOW HOW DO I USE IT?

"You may find it best to the have different dildos
and harnesses for different activities or moods.
The advantage we women have is that we can
choose how and where on our own body to
strap-on the appendage before we mount him."
(Ms Christine)

Congratulations on your purchase!

You can do a lot more research, you can purchase books and watch videos and read more online (see Reference List below) but the truth is, as Caitlain points out:

"There’s really no secret to using one of these things. You put the harness on and get it comfortable, put the right dildo or attachment on it (if it isn’t already on), and pretend you’re a guy with a penis (or two!)".

What does a it feel like? Caitlain concludes her own post:

"As someone who’s been on the receiving end of these kinds of devices, I will tell that they definitely do not have the same feeling to them as you experience when you are penetrated by a real, live penis. They just lack the true feel, the warmth and the response that a real one possesses. But, in the absence of a real one (or if you have an aversion to real ones!), they work well for their intended purpose!"

There are a couple of psychological things to keep in mind with strap-on sex:

Firstly, you need to become really comfortable with that new "cock" of yours. This is partially so that you are comfortable in expressing your control of it. Practice walking around naked wearing your "cock" when your partner is not home, to help you become more confident with it.

Secondly, you will find strapon play is very different from riding atop your partner. Its a whole different physical and psychological space. Very powerful. For women, penetrating someone else for the first time - possibly even cumming in them - is an important sexual milestone - celebrate achieving it! You are now running the show! Remember too that your partner may be feeling as vulnerable as you feel powerful. So be aware there many be lots of emotions floating around. Aftercare will be important. I find I always need an ice cold soda for a sugar kick because it can be very strenuous ... which reminds me: make sure you have drinking water within reach.

READY TO DO IT?!

I'm going to guide you through your first time here. Ready?

Pre scene preparations:

It's a good idea to abide by all the usual rules for anal play. Make sure the receiver cleans up prior to play, preferably with an enema a few hours before play. Or you can make giving it part of play. Disposable kits are available online. Then make sure he has a final wash before he presents himself to you. You do need to be prepared for a little leakage sometimes, which is another reason to use a condom. Wear latex gloves if you want some protection yourself from lube, leakage etc. For more on anal care, check out Jack Morin's Anal Pleasure and Health for Men and Women.

Plan where you are going to fuck him. If in bed, place some towels over the bottom sheet and pillows. If bending over a piece of furniture put a small towel between your partner's feet for mess / come and here's a trick I've learned: if you have him bent over, place a second towel on his back. You can keep your lube, gloves, next dildo etc there, and use it to wipe your hands on during these scene. Your hands will get messy because...

You need lots of lube on hand. We like silicone lube because it takes ages to dry up but check what type of lube works best with your type of dildo

Plan what you want to do after the scene. I suggest you both go to bed (if not already there) and relax, have an orgasm to finish. So make sure the bed is inviting and ready to collapse into. Make sure there is water on drink, some sex towels etc.

Make a list of everything you need for the scene: towels, harnesses, dildos, lube, latex gloves, small vibrator, camera, bottle of water, tissues etc. Then assemble everything. You might like to put all these items into a bag so he can't see them. On the other hand you might like to lay them out in front of him, to play with his head. It's your game. I put everything into a supermarket padded freezer bag. The ones from Coles in Australia are deep with a great zipper around the top. Put it near your feet, with the list on top - you can check everything off on the list if you like. You can throw rubbish and used items into the bag as you go along.

Something to keep in mind with first time play: the time. Put a clock where you can see it and limit your thrusting to about 10 minutes. Some men get very sore afterwards, some don't. You are not going to know which type of person he is that first time, so don't get carried away ... until the next time, when you can lengthen the time limit!

I suggest you have your dildo and harness assembled and condom-ed prior to play. You can either leave the harness in the beg or next to where you are going to play, or (my favorite) be wearing it when the scene begins. Greet him at the door in it. In this case, don't put your first small dildo into the harness ... put your largest one in, to scare the fuck out of him! You can then change the dildos over once he is in position and can't see what you are doing. In this case, make sure the smaller dildo is ready in your bag.

I really recommend using a condom on your dildo. It adds to its slickness, but mostly it makes cleaning up afterwards very easy. Remember not to use an oil based lube with the condom.

You can see sol rolling on the condom and lubing up two of our strap-on systems in these photos (the harness with our pink jelly dildo attached is Sax Leather's Deluxe Strapon + Vac-u-Lok )

The scene:

Direct your partner to strip and assume the position you have chosen. Avoid any face to face positions the first few times, these are more difficult because of the angle - it's often harder to get the dildo / your thrust low enough. Stay with the bent over / doggie style positions.

Leave him there for a while to build anticipation / vulnerability. Tell him how sexy he looks, how you are going to take him ...

If you are feeling nervous resort to my all time favorite domme trick: blindfold him. This will up the mind fuck for him, and will give you privacy to do your last minute freaking out / organization in private. Use this time to doublecheck you have everything on your list. Remember: once you put your hands on him, and enter him, it's bloody tricky to go into the room next door to get something!

I begin by standing near sol's head. I know he can smell my arousal, can see (if he's not blindfolded) the strapon harness, can hear the slick sound of the condom unrolling on the dildo. Then I massage his back a little, moving down towards his ass. Use this opportunity to check that his body is warm. You don't want him getting too cold, it will tense him up.

Use your fingers to relax your partner anally. With the ass crack and my fingers well lubed, I run my fingertips over sol's anus, gently increasing pressure, before inserting one finger and then two, up to the second joint. A good trick is to gently move the fingers in a circular motion to relax and spread the anus.

I then insert a small vibrator to relax the area further, running the tip around the outside for a few minutes before entry. Get a bit of a rhythm going, and use this time to see how relaxed he is about the sensation of being entered

use a smaller dildo or anal probe on your harness for the first entry attempt. You want something with a pointed / rounded top that glides up into him and back. Enter just the tip, guided by your lubed fingers, then back, then forward until the head is in. Stop for a moment. Massage his asscheeks, masturbate hima little, relax him, tell him how hot he looks, how hot you are, check his breathing, what noises he is making.

Once you are both comfortable start gentle thrusting. This is why the bent over / doggie positions are good. It's like anal sex, you can stand still and your partner can back onto her, at his own comfortable pace.

Commercial break:

I'm going to stop the session there for a brief educational moment lol...

I've kept stressing all the way through this post about the importance of purchasing a solidly made harness that grips the dildo as tightly as possible. Here is the place to explain why.

Because the wearer has no nerve endings in the end of their "cock", they have no way to feel what is happening internally. Which means its vitally important to have as much control as possible. The wearer needs to keep on the .. er .. ball regarding how the receiving partner is experiencing things, because of course they have no feeling in the dildo. They need to watch the receiving partner's physical signals (wincing in pain, for example, is not a good sign) and also communicate with them, to make sure everything is fine, internally.

Having control over the dildo is specially important in cases where the wearer is inexperienced at thrusting. Which of course most women are. So while you are learning to regulate your thrusts, make sure you are using a medium to long and thin dildo - a small dildo will just fall out.

Not having nerve endings in it means you might not feel the dildo when it pops out or changes angles, so do keep an eye on it, and also use your hand as a guide. A dildo with a slightly larger head is good because it means you get a feel of resistance before it falls out. Also you don't have to insert the whole thing, you can wrap your fingers around the base of the "cock" until you get comfortable with your stride.

Okay so where did we leave you?:

Keep up the gentle thrusting with the small dildo or anal probe.

Proceed to a larger dildo if you want, but to be honest you might not get any further than the anal probe your first time. Just the being entered, and fucked gently, is quite enough of a mind trip for the man the first time.

Be aware he may come during thrusting without any further stimulation. That's why you have a towel between his feet! If he does, you will need to wrap up the scene quickly, as he may not find the experience as enjoyable straight after coming.
You can also put a hand underneath him during thrusting and mastubate him. This is also a good trick to keep in mind if you are having trouble relaxing him.

How to finish:

Unless you are using one of Bad Dragon's dildos with cum tubes, you are not going to have the usual type of finish as a man. So how do you know when to stop? Here are a few points to take into consideration.

check your partner's responses ... communicate if he's able to. But some can't. If he's gone into subspace check via his noises. Groans and moans are fine but you don't want painful ones!

check your clock ... don't go too far over your thrusting limit

slow your thrusting down ... slowly... you may need one hand around the base of your cock to get the control you need...

when just the head of the dildo / probe remains in the body, STOP ... rest your hands on his lower back ... you will both be panting, so get your own breathe back, keep your hands on him

place one hand on the base of your cock for control and to hold the condom on, and pull the dildo out gently

At this point he will still be flying. I suggest you wrap the scene up in bed - you need to get him there quickly. Drop your harness into the bag at your feet, wrap up all the used items now on his back in the small towel and chuck them in the bag. Wipe him down with the towel from the floor and chuck it in the bag too. Then zip it so that when you help him up he's not aware of a messy play area. guys sometimes get distressed if they see signs of mess and possibly rectal stuff after pegging, this way all the crap (pun) is hidden before you move him. The reason I use a supermarket freezer bag is that when you clean up later the bag can be simply wiped down.

Once in bed tell him how fantastic the experience was. Engage in some favorite sex, preferably so that you have both come by the end of play. You will be pretty wiped out, so.... cuddle and:

Sleep....

WHAT IF I CAN'T ACHIEVE ENTRY?

Another thing I've learned about strapon play is that sometimes everything goes really well. And sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you are just not going to achieve entry. It ain't going to happen. What I do in those cases is give up on getting the dildo in and go back to using the small vibrator around the asshole. That, together with a hand job resulting in orgasm, will keep your partner happy.

SEXUAL POSITIONS:

In regard to sexual positions, some of the most popular for strap-ons are:

Doggy style: works well for both vaginal and anal penetration, but watch muscle tension

Face down in bed: put lots of pillows under his ass.

Missionary: sometimes it's nice to be face to face, and anal penetration is possible with a couple of cushions under the buttocks of the receiver. This can be tricky for beginners

Bent over: receiver leaning forwards, supported by a handy piece of furniture - an especially good position for prostrate stimulation. This is the position I use for sol most of the time.

Remember, with the positioning, you want his leg and ass muscles relaxed. You are not going to achieve entry if his ass is tensed from supporting body weight.

Also keep in mind that these different positions - and the kind of thrusting you plan - are going to impact on the position of your dildo, as Ms Christine has experienced:

"If he is kneeling, say on the bed, and I am standing, then the dildo is mounted quite high. which is good for an aggressive and dominant thrusting. Whereas if I plan on mounting him in the "missionary position" (woman on top) which I like for an interesting variation on the conventional lovemaking position which gives a loving closeness, then I'll wear one a lot lower"

When you finally decide to try the missionary position, try to have that cock coming right out from where your clit is, you'll get better thrusting that way. Don't forget, too, in the missionary position to keep the testicles protected - they get caught between the bodies.

If you have a physical problem with the thrusting, you might like to consider non genital harnesses. Have a look at Eden Fantasy's section on this.

MS160 THIS IS ALL SOUNDING A TAD VANILLA...

LOL. I haven't told you MY favorite way of using a strap-on yet *evil grin*. For those of us with more kinky urges using a strap on may be more like may may's experiences:

"For my girlfriend and I, "sex" is actually much more likely to mean "strap-on sex" (her penetrating me) than it does traditional penis-in-vagina sex (although not entirely). She simply doesn't enjoy the traditional form of intercourse nearly as much as I enjoy the strap-on sex, so we figure why not?

"Also, more often than not these strap-on sessions are rather rough and are usually part of a bondage scene or some such obviously BDSM activity. However, I really do enjoy the times she simply wants to make love to me with her dildo just as much"

Here's a Domme's view, from Myles:

"Strap-on play is something that's near and dear to my heart, especially in combination with bondage, t&d, and after a spanking. Any penetration of my submissive, whether it's fingers or strapon, is a very heady feeling. The sounds he makes are erotic, the visual stimulus and role-reversal are very exciting, and most importantly for me, being in control of how much he takes, how hard, how long, etc. is what really is the icing on the cake.

"The act itself is pleasurable, but his willingness to submit to my desires regardless of how much he enjoys it is breathtaking. It's not about humiliation, in my mind. It's all about his eagerness to yield to me"

And Ms160's favorite strap-on position? Ass up always looks great, as I approach with my cock bobbing ahead of me. Probably the easiest entry is face down on the workbench or massage table:

I also like sol on his back on the massage table, with his ass on the edge, and his legs tied to bolts in the ceiling. This way we are face to face, and I can enter him while having access to his nipples, cock and balls (which can also be tied to a bolt on the ceiling, lol, because after all you do need to make sure they don't get trapped between the two bodies in this position *grin*).

I also enjoy have sol suck my cock (you can read about sol's first cock sucking lesson here). I love the juxtaposition of the psychological and physical in that game. As Rachel Venning once observed:

"the strap-on blowjob is the ultimate in gender-bending sex theater, because really, what's in it for anyone? The answer is the old truism that our biggest sex organ is between our ears. The point is desire. The idea, the visual thrill, the feeling of power, and the unique physical sensations all combine to make our motors rev..."

Midori also taught sol to put a condom on with his teeth. Now THAT is a great trick to enjoy during strap on play!

And believe me, there are lots of ways to kink up strap on play. Here's some ideas:

put him in cuffs and lock his hands behind him before your start. This sends sol straight into sub space. Keep an eye on the time, though, you don't want him so uncomfortable that you have to finish early.
if you are using a Bad Dragon cum tube, think about putting something hot and spicy in the cum mixture, or create your own (keeping anal safety concerns in mind)

place pegs or clamps in interesting places

if positioned away from you, apply a cane or short flogger to his upper back and ass

TIME TO FINISH...

Sorry this post was so long, but there was so much to cover. I hope some of this info helped. I recommend reading some of the articles below. Drop me a line if I can help with anything, or you'd like your own experiences added to this post.

Good luck! And most of all: have fun!

THE ULTIMATE STRAPON REFERENCE GUIDE:

Links:

Blowfish Advice on Choosing a Harness and Guide to Buying Dildos
Caitlain's Corner - Selecting and Using Strap Ons
Eden Fantasys Harness Guides (by Fanny Price)
Joan Elizabeth Lloyd Strap-Ons
Ms Christine Strap On Harness Advice
Savage Love You Don't Have to be a Mistress Asscrusher or Worthless Buttslut to enjoy Strap On Sex
Sex Dictionary - Strap On Dildo
Rachel Venning, How to Suck Strap On Cock
Wikipedea (Aug 2007) Strap On Dildo

Want to join discussions about strap-on sex? Join Ms160 and friends at these Fetlife groups:

Books:

The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Strap On Sex by Violet Blue (Cleis Press)

New on the shelves, this well-written guide takes the mystery out of male penetrative anal sex for straight couples. A few words from the author:

"Everything I've come across so far seems to be playing into the stereotypes that plague male- on-female anal sex. ("You're going to take my cock up that little ass," etc.) I don't peg my man to work out my aggression, I peg him because the prostate is a wondrous thing...
Pegging in most porn is festooned with stereotypes of shame and pain, like most sex in mainstream porn. And, unfortunately, these stereotypes have seeped into online sex culture. But you don't have to be Mistress Asscrusher, and he doesn't have to answer to Worthless Buttslut, in order to enjoy strap-on sex. Like I explain in my book, most couples who peg do it because it's fun, intimate, new, exciting, and quite loving."

You can purchase it from Blowfish.

Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex by (aka Fairy Butch)

Amazon.com reviews:

"most useful and eye-opening, not just on the subject of strap-ons, but of sex toys in general, gender play, lube (includes a section rating 30 or so lubes for texture and taste!), and communication" (K Rew)
"deeply informative and often hilarious manual on strap-on sex. She has found a way to write about sex that is neither alienating nor condescending" (A Reader)
"The focus is on women so there isn't so much really enough about men to call it "the ultimate" (Tammy Jo Eckhart)

Sex Toys 101 by Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah
Provides a good guide to buying dildos

Anal Pleasure and Health for Men and Women by Jack Morin

Sometimes called the "bible of anal sex," this is easily one of the most useful and informative books on the subject, and is highly recommended by sex experts and educators everywhere.

Podcasts:

"Sex is Fun Radio Show: Strap-On Harness" (Dec 2006)

Radio Blowfish (episode includes discussion of strap ons)

Videos / DVDs:

Bend-Over-Boyfriend

There are lots of porn videos on strap-on sex with all genders, but in terms of educational / instructional videos the most popular are the Bend Over Boyfriend series, featuring sex education guru Carol Queen. It's primarily geared towards women pleasuring their male partners, but the info is useful for all gender combinations as well as for those new to anal play. Violet Blue's views can be read here.

You can purchase it from J T's Stockroom.

Many thanks:
to all the companies who allowed me to reproduce their products!
Also: