Morning mist at Ms160 and sol's home

Welcome to Mistress160's BDSM For Beginners blog, secure from  all the world, where the most secret of desires - including yours :) - may be explored in  safety and privacy.


ms160 and sol on Moreton Island

The writer of this blog is usually just me, Mistress160. I set up my first blog, Mistress160's Abode, to document my D/s relationship with my submissive husband solipsist. After a while I began looking around for accurate BDSM educational material online and had trouble locating it. There was plenty there, but it was lost amid a lot of badly written and inaccurate info. You may feel this is exactly where you are now, on your own kinky journey. It can be incredibly frustrating to have finally taken your first steps in this lifestyle ... only to find you then don't know which direction to take.

I established my BDSM For Beginners series to collate the experiences and advice of other kinksters on various topics, and direct readers to good online resources.  Topics were those most important in my own journey: how to create an online persona, how to find online like minded friends, how to move into the real time lifestyle, etc.  Later topics tended to revolve around my own search for new skills and forms of kinky play.  I am always delighted to write on a topic suggested by readers (contact details below) but be warned: being a pedantic real timer, I will invariably send you in the direction of local real time educational events to learn techniques and skills.

When our main blog grew large and it became difficult to find educational posts I moved the BDSM For Beginners series to it's own blog here. So. Here we are :).

What can I tell you about solipist and myself?   You can read about solipsism here. Sol took this name online after reading  Iain M.  Banks' sci-fi novel Against a  Dark Background, which features a gang of pirate mercenaries with extremely  unusual philosophical beliefs, who call themselves The  Solipsists.

We've been together since the early 1980s. We've been kink oriented always (I introduced sol to Penthouse Variations magazine at university *grin*) but like many couples we wasted many years ... too many wrong assumptions.  We are now trying to make up for that lost time.

We became active on the Australian scene a few years ago. We rarely play at large parties (although I'm happy to DM at events), preferring to play with a small group of friends that we adore.

My blogger profile describes me as "an Australian lifestyle Dominant, kink educator and eco kinkster". Sol describes himself on Fetlife as "a submissive masochist with a list of BDSM interests as long as my arm". That covers us both ... sort of!

Let's look at the first bit in my statement: "lifestyle Dominant".  I  find such a label limiting. Labels create too many assumptions (God I hate that word). And BDSM  relationships ... good ones, that really work ... rarely fit in predefined categories, anyway. But if I call myself a "lifestyle Dominant" then at least other people in the scene get a vague idea of what I am about.

Equally, the phrase "submissive" doesn't do justice to the extraordinary complexities that make up sol.  Some people describe what we have as a "24/7 lifestyle", and I've ticked that box myself, when I've filled in profiles on kinky sites.  Again, that's a label I dislike ... how on earth do you define such a lifestyle?? ...  but as with "lifestyle dominant" and "submissive", using the term allows other kinksters to place us in a familiar category and that makes them happy.

But like every other D/s couple or poly family, we are, oh, so much more than these labels.

Sol and I have shaped each other, over the many years we've been  together. We've pushed each others' boundaries to the point that I now describe my kinky interests and desires as  "diverse, eclectic and extreme,  pushing the boundaries of BDSM".  I  would never had been able to grow in such a wonderful manner without sol.  Sol is a severe masochist. This means I am constantly searching for new  ways to challenge his pain thresholds. Exploring BDSM provides an  endless opportunity to discover new toys and master new skills and  techniques. Exploring sol's submissive nature is equally challenging and fun.

What other phrases are in that statement?

"Kink educator". I stole  that phrase from Midori (the greatest kink educator on the planet).  I'm an educator in my other life, so kink education was something that grew from this blog and then later being a  regular feature  writer for Australia's  premier alternative journal "Kink-E Magazine" until it ceased  production last year.  We run several blogs now - this one, Mistress160's Abode and also a private blog to document our more extreme play. I set this up because many regular blog readers are quite new to BDSM and found some of our play too confronting. Drop me a line c/- Mistress160 at Fetlife if you'd like access.

I've been  honored to be invited to present workshops and skill shares over the  last few years in Sydney, Brisbane and Melbourne (including Kinkfest in  2009).     If you'd like a list of current workshop topics, please get in touch via Fetlife.  I help MsDee when she needs a hand with Uber:learn  in Sydney, and was part of the Uber team that created "The Gathering"  in early October 2010. The Gathering was very successful and enormous  fun ... come and join us in 2012, for the next one :).

I'm now helping organize Southern Exposure, scheduled for Easter 2011 in New Zealand.

Finally  "eco kinkster".  That phrase refers to the fact that my husband and I "sea changed" a few years ago . Our play was becoming too extreme for suburbia. We now live on an isolated property in the Northern Rivers region of NSW, Australia. "Eco" refers to the fact we live off the grid, using solar power as our main energy source.
This move gave us the privacy and freedom to move our D/s relationship up a few notches.  I sincerely recommend making a similar move to any other couples reading this blog.

We are working on establishing a BDSM intentional community in the Northern Rivers. You can read a post about this here.  Things are proceeding well on this front. Most of our small group still have a few years until they are free of family commitments, so this gives us lots of time to get things right. If you'd like to be a part of this type of community, come and say hello in our Fetlife group devoted to BDSM intentional communities.

I also moderate a Fetlife group for Northern NSW members. We hold regular munches ... come and join us if you are a local or visiting the area.


Want to ask us a question, or want us to cover a particular topic in the BDSM For Beginners series?

I'm afraid we don't IM much because we live off the grid and chatting online tends to use up all our solar power! But you can contact us via  Fetlife:
You'll also find Ms160 on Twitter. We also now have a Formspring account:


sol puts The Xmas Present in bondage

  1. A  D/s Life: Becoming dominant
  2. A  D/s Life: Becoming Mistress 160
(These articles and interviews are a bit out of date, I really need to write Part 3!)
  • solipsist's story is told as part of the same  series: "Ambiguous  Borderlands: the paradox of masochism" Part  One and Part  Two
You can of course ask us to fill any missing details via that Formspring box above :).


    ms160 and sol's place

    “If I was to direct any novice to  a BDSM blog, I’d direct them to Mistress160...

    "One seldom finds a blog that offers  educational guides for people wanting to explore their kinky side,  namely BDSM … Mistress160’s Abode offers education, sensuality,  testimonials (from subs) and a wide array of resources suitable for  everyone interested in BDSM (from connoisseur to novice).

    "On the subject of information,  Mistress160 has an array of "BDSM for Beginners" posts that discuss just  about everything, from meeting like minded people to accessory  selection [you will find a list of titles in the LABELS list below]. The  resources that Mistress160 uses are extensive, and kudos to her…"
    (for  complete review see
    Dark Scribe, 3 March 2007)

    This is a particularly excellent blog  for beginners to BDSM. In fact, Ms160 has a phenomenal series created  especially for beginners with more information in one place than I’ve  ever really seen. Good stuff folks. Give her a look" Carrie Ann A View  From the Floor "Blogs I Love" 

    "Just wanted to thank you for what you've done with your blog  and with
    Fetish Lore ... you manage to present everything in a  comfortable, matter-of-fact way that really helped [my wife] ... both  sites have helped because they give us a nice touchstone, and a place to  ask questions in a newbie friendly environment ... I don't know how  often you hear this, but for these two "beginners," we wouldn't be half  as on the ball without your blog" Belisarius, Nov 2007 (quoted with permission)
    Thanks for  all you do for the promotion of what I think of as "good kink," and your  love of us subbies. It means more than you know"
    Quietlisten, Jan 2008 (quoted with  permission)
    "Mistress160 ... runs what is probably the best  informational blog about BDSM in the entire region, and has been doing  so for quite a while" Maymay April 2008 Maybe  Maimed But Never Harmed 

    "You've helped me overcome a choking fear of myself. I can think  about all of the kinky ideas.. that I've dreamed about, without having  an anxiety attack of worry"
    copper 3 May 08

    "I remain amazed  at the diversity you two exhibit!  That blog had me thinking very nasty  thoughts Ms160... sol is a lucky  guy to have such a deliciously deviant  Domme!"  (billc393 Jan 2009)

    "Thank you!  Having the opportunity to  learn to play online in a private, safe environment was not only an  important part of my growth as a Female Dominant, it was FUN!!"  (E)

    "I am in tears ... but tears of relief. You have  explained [re subdrop / aftercare] so much of what im going through and i  dont feel so isolated or insane." (w)

    "well thought out, well written, and highly  valuable ... the class had a profound impact on me and my  self-perception ... your blending of sexual imagery with commands during  the lessons was exquisite" (QL)

    "this course has shown me that it is possible to do things i  otherwise would have never done ... you will always have a place in my  heart" (t)

    all Ms160 except the Moreton Bay campfire photo taken by NotExcessive :)
    The Gathering banner - courtesy: Uber

    Southern Exposure banner - courtesy: SE