Wednesday, December 12, 2007

BDSM for Beginners (part 5: D/s cam play)

First published on Mistress160's Abode 2007
updated Oct 2009

"Playing via cam?"

"Oh God, I'd NEVER do it, it's so embarrassing"

"Oh God, I can't wait to do it, it's so embarrassing!"


We've all heard of cam sex, seen it's advertisements and it's many many sites. But how are cams used in online D/s relationships? What on earth would a Dom/me ask you to do? Would you really do whatever they asked? And what if you make a total fool of yourself??

These are questions often raised by newbie kinksters visiting this site, cam play being (to quote Veritas, when I posted a thread about this subject on the Forum at MyDungeonSpace.com) a "topic ... near and dear to a lot of folks".

This BDSM For Beginners post will explore some of the pros and cons of cam play, and will finish with a real story written by a sub (nzcuck) about his own first one on one cam experience with a Mistress.

WHAT EXACTLY IS "CAM" PLAY?

Cam play has becoming an increasingly important interactive component of cyber kink, of online D/s play. It can take all sorts of forms. These might include:

  • casual one on one play between a Dom/me and a sub who might have just met in a chatroom
  • casual one on one play – promoted as either via cam or video chat - between a professional female dominant and a sub who has contacted her via her website, or via a chatroom
  • cam contests (I've taken part in tease and denial ones where several male subs "perform" for several female dominants they met in a chatroom)
  • edging sessions, from short ones to
  • long, complicated humiliation sessions to the more intense sessions that build up over time between a dominant and their long term sub.
  • viewing only, where you pay for a time period to watch someone on one of the many fetish cam sites
It entirely depends on the personalities and imaginations of the people involved.

WHY DO IT?

Because it's fun!

Many kinksters see cam play as a step in the journey from online D/s exploration to real time experience. And it certainly is that. But it is also an important component in relationships that remain only online. If you raise the subject of cam play with experienced kinksters, the old "online experience VS real time experience" issue is sure to get mentioned, lol. The truth is that everyone's opinion about cam play will be - quite rightly - defined by their own experience, be it online, real time, or a mixture of both...

Master Michael writes: "Does camming have it's place? Absolutely ... Does camming work for everyone? No ... Over the years, my two primary senses have shifted from sight and sound to sight and touch...It's the "physical" interaction that I cannot seem to fill with a cam ... I will find a way to alter the geography of the situation to put both of us in the same place"

Jadetiger (from MyDungeonSpace) has a more ambiguous relationship with cam play: "I spent the first year on my BDSM journey doing camming with my first two masters. I never saw them. I spent the next year and half being an online Domme and only on occasion would I show myself as a reward. I also had some friendships where I did camming for most of them we both used our cams.

"The benefits were that I got to see my sluts in action and hone my tasking skills. I watched how they reacted to my tasks and words. My first slut was into humiliation so I got to touch on that side of myself ... It was a wonderful learning experience. ... I had one [sub] that was an extreme pain slut. It even frightened me how far he would go at times but it also aroused me in away I have never experienced before. It was then I understood what my sadistic master got from our camming sessions and when I realized I had a sadistic streak in me"

Despite this Jadetiger: "gave up camming except for a very special friend when I became a real time Domme. For me it was a transition from online to real life. Would I use camming and tasking again? Yes I would if I had a sub that was in a situation where it could be used. I actually miss it a lot ... Would I give up real time for it? Not a chance!"

Unlike Jade – and when I'm not being an eco kinkster on limited solar power, lol - I still do both. A lot of this has to do with location - being in Australia separates me from some of my subs - but I think it has even more to do with the fact that a lot of the sub interaction I undertake is with newbies. As Veritas points out: "cams are ... a great way for beginners to kind of explore things. You can play just for fun with whoever is willing, or you can play with a regular partner and develop a meaningful relationship....it's also a lot easier to find a partner to play with on cam than to find a partner RT ... the internet has made D/s and BDSM a lot more accessible to a lot of people ..."

There is also - as MisterE states so well - the fact that cam sessions offer: "the truest essence of BDSM - power exchange in a safe, sane and consensual way. If a submissive, male or female, finds themselves in a situation or task that they feel may be unsafe or a hard limit, in an online situation they may simply say that. If the Dominant in question is unable or unwilling to listen to and/or address their concerns, then the submissive also has they ability to 'switch off' the camera, thereby ending the session and the perceived danger.

"In real time encounters, we use safe words for extreme play, as the submissive may not be able to physically stop the encounter. Online, it's much more about trust, desire, and the ability to please"

Cams promote a freedom to act differently, says Mistress Moira: "one is able to explore an interest in a safe environment. A man who has never cross-dressed in front of another living being, for example, can do so via cam without much fear of ridicule"

In the hands of an experienced Dom/me the introduction of cam play can also greatly increase a sub's self esteem and confidence, as in Smoke's Slut case: "we didn't cam for several months. My Dom knew I didn't like the cam from our conversations. I was very insecure and self conscious. I used my digital camera to send him pictures of my assignments.

"One day he said, I want you to turn on your cam for 2 mins. I want to see your smile. I turned it on and after 2 mins. he said you may shut it off and thanked me. Every once in awhile he would tell me to turn on the cam and as he saw I was more comfortable we did it more often and for longer. So then after a month or more he asked me to flash him. I did and it excited me and he was able to see it did. Then we slowly progressed until I began doing my sessions on cam. Now I love camming with him and knowing he is watching me please him. My sessions are more intense and rewarding. I would rather cam than take pictures or write my experiences".

WHAT SORT OF THINGS
HAPPEN IN A CAM SESSION?
IS IT ALWAYS SEXUAL?

“[cam play] is a good form of discipline and control,
with a modern, yet effective twist”
Oscar

Again it comes back to the imagination and experience of the players.

I think it's a lot more fun than just playing (verbally) in chatrooms. Sometimes that's hard for kinksters with limited imagination. The fact you can see – or are being watched – really pushes the buttons of many of us. As Veritas points out "I think cams are great because they let you interact with someone in a much more meaningful way than just text. You can play with a partner, see them squirm, watch them carry out your instructions, see their facial expressions, etc. all in real time. No need to wait for photos to show up in email"

As to the sexual component, yes that's more common when playing on cam but it doesn't need to be. It may be just a communication device.As Sir_JustinSayne noted on a Fetlife cam group thread “if the person I am chatting with has a webcam I like them to put it on simply because I have a face to put the words to. It doesn't have to be sexual or even D/s to simply chat with cams on.”

Remember: it's up to you to negotiate your scene before you play. You'll have already learned this from chatroom scenes, but it's even more important when you are on cam because you don't want to find yourself suddenly faced with a hard limit and feel like you are disappointing your play partner. Negotiating means you let your play partner know of any limits (and don't say you don't have any, that's the sign of not only a newbie but an idiot. Of course you have limits. Want your play partner to tell you to stop breathing? Or put your head down the loo? Think about basic stuff you'd like to avoid, and then talk about what you'd really like to experience during the scene (perhaps a little tease and denial, some CBT, a little masturbation / edging on cam while being watched ….mmmm). Anyway you get the idea!

READY TO HAVE A GO?

So, okay, cam play is something you think you'd like to try. How do you go about it?

I'm taking for granted the fact that you'd have a bit of experience playing in kinky chatrooms by now. And that you are familiar with basic chatroom protocols (things like: being very polite, not sending private messages to the female dominants without an invitation, spending time actually chatting to get to know people, etc). That you've made a few cyber friends. That you have a few favorite chatrooms where people have similar interests. The latter is important because that means that when you hook up with a play partner from one of those sites you are aware that you DO share interests.

If you said no to all of those points, then let's back track. Head back online and go find some chatrooms! You'll find some links in the Online Resources List at the end of this post. Places like dating sites CollarMe and Alt are good sites to start. Also Chatropolis has fetish and BDSM sections with chatrooms. CM and Alt also have geographic chatrooms, if you are interested in finding play partners that might be able to go real time.

The first way to find a play partner interested in cam play is to let people know you're interested. Make sure the fact you'd like to try cam play is mentioned on your profile in the various online kinky communities you belong to. Let others know in the chatrooms you frequent. Also ask those with more experience in the chatrooms for advice: what type of cam play did they enjoy? Who were they playing with? Etc.

If you are dominant you can pretty much approach any sub that pleases you – but only after doing your home work. Its a good idea to make sure they are not owned by someone else. If they are, read both the sub and their owner's profiles VERY carefully. They may not be open to play with outsiders. If they are unowned, you still need to check their profile carefully. If they say they are not interested in online play, or their interests are not compatible with yours, you will look a right idiot for not checking, lol.

If you are a sub, ask around your cyber communities to find out which Dom/mes play online. If contacting a Dom/me direct is too terrifying drop a line to a sub you know they play with. If you'd like to be part of a group, you can even ask me, as I hold cam contests on one of my sites. When you do find a cam partner, make sure you are comfortable with everything they suggest. For example, do you mind if they don't want you to see them? As MisterE points out,

"personally, I prefer not to be seen during cam sessions. For me, it adds to the experience to see but not be seen. It also adds to the Dominance factor from the other side, to not know 100% who is watching and when"

On the other hand, Smoke's Slut makes an important point regarding trust issues for newbies:

"my advice would be to ... make sure I saw the Dom/me via cam to know they are who they claim to be as well. I know that many Dom/mes use cams one sided but I don't think it is asking to much to let a submissive see their face at first"

So feel free to raise this with your play partner, if its of concern. When a play time has been fixed, it will be time to cope with the absolutely appalling anticipation .... which of course is half the fun!

While you are waiting you might like to read the story below by nzcuck, a submissive friend of sol's and mine from New Zealand, about his first experience of cam play one on one with a Mistress. I've inserted one note to provide further information for subs and Dom/mes who are starting out with cam play.

NZCUCK'S FIRST CAM PLAY,
WITH A SERIOUSLY STUNNING MISTRESS

"Mistress 160 agreed to do a one-off cam session with me ... my first ever one-on-one. I found this very exciting and nerve-racking, as I was unsure what to expect. Now that I think about it I think that is actually part of the whole excitement of it, the not knowing that is.

"I had emailed her earlier in the week, with a list of my likes and dislikes, so she had some information on me [NOTE FROM MS160: I had requested this list. It's absolutely essential to have some idea of what pushes your play partner's buttons. In this case the info nz provided in advanced allowed me to think through various scenarios I could use with him. I then got back to him about certain things he should have on hand when we played. We agreed on a time to meet and I told him the session would take about an hour. I planned to make the first 15 minutes of this just conversation - not only to put nz at ease (a little, lol) but to glean more information of his desires. By the end I'd confirmed that nz was very turned on by both cuckolding and small penis humiliation, and that these would be important triggers in making the experience memorable for him].

"Anyway, we arranged a time to meet, and then due to a misunderstanding of time-zones on my part, I was an hour late!! Mistress160 was very accommodating of my error, rescheduling an appointment of her own ... Before getting online, I got ready 4 pairs of my favourite panties (including the two new pairs I had brought last week), plus I already had on a pair, a blue lace G-string. I also got my purple vibrator (an ex-girlfriend's) out ready. During the day I remembered about a dark blue silk chemise that was my former girlfriend's stashed in a box in the shed, so dug that out and put that on, hoping to impress Mistress160 with it.

"Once online we started out chatting about our lives a little, then I filled her in on some information about how long I had been interested in panties, some info about my previous sexual history, and some info about a former relationship, with a girlfriend from about 4 years ago that had cuckolded me for 6 months, thus sparking my interest in that area too.

"I started up my cam ... Mistress160 was pleased with my attire, the lacy light blue G-string and blue silky slip. I did a few twirls for her and lifted my slip to show off my panties. This was the beginning of the fashion show, and I proceeded to model the other pairs of panties for her, walking around, doing twirls, bending over to show off the rear (they were all G-strings of different colours/styles). Meanwhile she made comments relating to how they suited me, how nice they were, and what a small bulge there was in them, therefore they suited me well.

"Then she asked me to sit and focus the cam on my crotch, lifting my slip up so she had a close up of my hard but small cock encased in a pink lace G-string. She commented on the wetpatch, and I told her I leaked precum in all the panties I had modelled tonight, and some on the slip too. She laughed, telling me I will be up late handwashing them (and I was). She had me rub myself thru the material with one hand, then got me to pull my panties down a little, freeing my cock and balls. She made many humiliating comments about the small size of my cock (which I loved)...

"Then she got me to jerk for her, with just one hand, telling me to stop if I got near the edge, meanwhile she continued the dialogue, admiring my shaved balls in the process. After my 1st edge, she asked me to get the vibrator. I held it next to my cock, much to her amusement as it dwarfed my member. She got me to position it between my butt cheeks, where it felt nice, and then swap hands and edge again.

"After that edge, she said it was time to use both hands. Now with only a 5 inch cock, there's not alot of room to use both hands, and Mistress160 enjoyed telling me this and laughing while watching my cock disappear. I edged again. Mistress160 had me remove my pink lacy panties and wrap them around my cock. Again it disappeared, and there's not that much material there either... She had me stroke with the panties, which felt really nice, although a little scratchy from the lace.......I edged again.

"Then she had me wrap the silk slip around my cock and stroke with that. That felt fantastic and it didn't take long to edge again...maybe a minute at most. My breathing was getting really heavy, and I was loving every moment of it!!

"Finally, she told me to jerk off onto the slip, and cum on it, while thinking about my ex girlfriend and some of the memories I had of her cuckolding me. Well this was it, and it only took maybe 30 seconds of jerking before I my loins tightened, i gasped, and then came over the slip. The cum running around on it freely. As my cock began to slowly soften, I still held the slip carefully with a pool of cum on it in front of the cam. Mistress160 laughed, and then suggested as my final act I should lick this up......so I leant forward and obliged. The salty taste of cum was strong. She laughed and said she could still see some (she was right), and I leant forward again and cleaned it thoroughly with my tongue. A very hot and humbling experience to do this in front of someone else. The session was over. And I had a lot of hand washing to do.

"I found the cam session very exciting, and wish to thank Mistress160 for the great experience. In fact I found it so exciting I'm rock hard and leaking again just writing about it. Making more handwashing for myself..lol...."

ONLINE RESOURCES

Alt.com
collarme
Fetlife (doesn't have chatrooms but has groups with links to chatrooms)
Chatropolis
Camera Play for Couples



Many thanks:
to nzcuck - this story was first published on erotichumiliation.com in November 2006 -
to my friends at MyDungeonSpace who allowed me to quote their experiences,
and finally Midori for the idea of alternate opinion quotes as an opening gambit)

Photos:
top: provenance unknown
centre: nzcuck

No comments: