This page is to provide easy to find reference links to several popular posts. For the Emergency Self Aftercare link head straight to the bottom of the page.


The Going Real Time Series

The How to Find a Dominant Series
part 1 ("about you"):
  • what you want (from BDSM)
  • getting beyond dominant stereotypes and meaningless validation
  • online safety
  • what dominants want
  • what you want (from a dominant)
part 2 ("self presentation"):
  • where to find dominants
  • how to get them to notice you
  • online names / avatars
  • personal ads / online profiles
  • the blogosphere
  • adult social network sites
  • virtual world social networking sites
part 3 ("initiating contact"):
  • who should contact who
  • initiating real time contact with a dominant
  • initiating online contact with a dominant
  • the pros and cons of sending dominants photos
  • writing submission requests to dominants - practicalities
part 4 ("writing to dominants"):
  • examples of what NOT to write - and why
  • examples of what to write - and why it worked
  • posts by dominants about the messages they receive
  • an exercise for those wanting to try drafting a message
 part 5 ("waiting, rejection + success"):
  • how to cope with the waiting (to hear back)
  • reasons for rejection
  • when to have a break from searching
  • seeking a professional dominant
  • how to reply when dominants write back
  • how to respond when a dominant contacts YOU
  • maintaining a D/s relationship
  • online resources

The Aftercare Series
1: AFTERCARE FOR SUBMISSIVES explores questions like:
What exactly do terms like aftercare and subdrop mean?
What does subdrop feel like?
What does aftercare consist of?
How do I work out my own aftercare needs?
Is aftercare ever needed after online play?
How do I make an aftercare kit?
What do I do if I feel I need more aftercare than my Dom/me provides?

What is domdrop?
What is top guilt?
If my Dom/me needs aftercare, what do I do?
Advice for fledging Dom/mes on "drop", guilt and aftercare
Aftercare for D/s couples

Do switches experience both types of 'drop'?
Does "drop" worsen when switching occurs over a short time period?
Switch health issues
Practical aftercare issues
Advice for newbie switches on "drop", guilt and aftercare

This much viewed post was written because there was a need for kinksters - both real time and cyber - suffering from drop after play. As I wrote at the beginning of the post:
"There are lots of reasons you are checking out this emergency post... Perhaps you are a sub who played real time with a Dom/me who was lousy at aftercare. Or you are a dominant or a switch who played with a sub who didn't realize tops need aftercare as well. Perhaps you have an online Master who doesn't think aftercare is required after online play - you on the other hand know from prior play experience that you need aftercare, and also sometimes experience subdrop. Or perhaps your normally supportive and experienced Mistress is unable to fulfill their usual "special time" due to unforseen real life commitments.
"These emergency aftercare instructions are for all of you - and anyone else who finds themselves alone and depressed, lost and sad after play. They are relevant to both online and realtime situations"