Thursday, January 17, 2008

Feedback on BDSM For Beginners "contacting dominants" posts

xposted from Ms160's Abode 14 Jan 08:

"it's a wonderful series ...
it's causing me to ONCE AGAIN
re-evaluate
who I am, what I want, and how I present myself.

The process is wonderfully important and
Mistress 160's series
cannot be recommended
highly enough ... If you're a
submissive who is
looking for a dominant
(especially if you are
somewhat new to the process)
go and read this. Now."
quietlisten


Thank you to everyone who's dropped me a line about the BDSM For Beginners "contacting dominants" posts.

As you know I was a bit twitchy about writing the series, for the reasons stated in the Intro. But it seems that it has filled a need. I've greatly appreciated all the feedback and have edited the posts to include your suggestions and additional experiences.

To any subs thinking of reading the series and undertaking the homework, the feedback I've received from other subs indicates both the series and the homework are proving useful, especially for newbies and for others feeling burned out in their search for a partner.
"i know You joked about the length of the posts Ms160 but the detail You went into means You addressed so many areas i really needed to know about"
(Sam)

"Thank you for your comments on my day's assignment. I was a bit freaked at handing it in. But you made me feel I did great and I have posted my assignment profile on alt now!"
(randy)

"thank u thank u thank u ... all the examples of real letters were really helpful ... i feel positive about my future"
(AJ)

"[I] really, really liked what you have written. It's a significant and very well-thought-out piece of work and you should be very proud of it ... Thanks for all you do for the promotion of what I think of as "good kink," and your love of us subbies. It means more than you know"
(quietlisten)
Because I value quietlisten's opinions I requested a longer review of the series from him. As I believe his review will be of interests to others - both subs and dominants - seeking a partner, here it is in full:
"F$#%ing wow.

"Okay, now that I've cursed in your general direction, I'd like to point out that it was intended as a compliment. I'm floored by the effort that is so obvious throughout the series, from the overall structure (unusual in a blog) to the careful enumeration of options in various situations. It just exudes thought and care.

"One of the greatest strengths of the work is the way you've paired "here's what you should/shouldn't do" with "here are the consequences and what it looks like through the other person's eyes." That's far more persuasive than a rule book approach. There are people on the other end of communications and they respond best by being treated like (drum roll...) people!

"As I pointed out [to you previously], the quotes from Dommes and other subs made me feel like this is a dance we are all in together, not a competition. A few months looking can turn anyone into a jaded cynic, and it's great therapy to understand the viewpoint from the other side of the search. In fact, the "needle in a haystack" comment motivated me to not only want to be the needle, but to be the FOUND needle. The last part of the series has a satisfyingly positive ring to it.

"Speaking very personally, I've always felt that I was the odd man out in any BDSM situation or discussion because I didn't have any real interest in a sneering bitch who would whip me. This series is so well grounded in real people without the "here's how you're doing it wrong" flavor that those of us on the margins of the lifestyle could be convinced to look more carefully and with a broader mind.

"Again, speaking just for myself, I'm probably going to change my tactics in my search. I kind of stopped thinking of it as a search about a year ago, and I feel more satisfied now. Your series helped me understand why that might be. I'll let you know if and when I find the Domme of my dreams, and you can take full credit ... if she lets you!

"I can't thank you enough for this series. I know from the sub male's perspective how valuable this advice is. I appreciate all the work you put into it. If I'm ever in Oz, I promise a great big giant hug"
I also appreciate all the comments, posts and emails I've received from dominants.
"I want to direct your attention to this wonderful and informative post by Mistress160. Mistress160 is compiling a series called; How to contact a dominant, and I urge any of you who plan to, or are currently in a position of contacting a dominant, to read it. In fact, it is a very interesting read for anybody and it is relevant to anyone, not just males.

"Mistress160 has put in an astounding amount of effort into compiling all the information. She has liaised with many experienced Mistresses who have shared their thoughts and wisdom as they address all the classic mistakes (mostly) males make in their eagerness in contacting a Woman to serve, and the etiquette that should be observed"

(Mistress Evita)

"Fantastic series Ms160, well written and researched. This article is SO needed in this lifestyle. I will be leaving this link every where. fingers crossed, my in box benefits from all your hard work and dedication"
(MissBonnie)
Please keep your feedback coming: as always its YOUR experiences and thoughts and questions and stories that make these BDSM For Beginners posts helpful to other kinksters. I'm just providing a vehicle for your voices!

BDSM For Beginners: How to Contact a Dominant: Introduction
(please read this Intro first!!)

BDSM For Beginners: How to Contact a Dominant: part 1 ("about you")
BDSM For Beginners: How to Contact a Dominant: part 2 ("self presentation")
BDSM For Beginners: How to Contact a Dominant: part 3 ("initiating contact")
BDSM For Beginners: How to Contact a Dominant: part 4 ("writing to a Dominant")
BDSM For Beginners: How to Contact a Dominant: part 5 ("waiting, rejection + success")

Many thanks:
Mistress Evita, Miss Bonnie
quietlisten, Sam, randy and AJ

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